Not enough gas in the tank - a post for Lyme folks

This post is for my fellow Lyme fighters.

Do you ever feel OVERWHELMED by guilt over all the things that you’re not able to do for everyone you love??? I do. Yep, today is one of those days, and I really need to do a better job of keepin' it real. Tough days are real, y'all. They happen way more often than I admit. (I'm just terrified of being seen as "weak" or "the sick one," so I rarely talk about the hard stuff. Do you ever feel that way???)

Anyhow, it’s frustrating to be physically unable to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE I love. Sometimes there's just not enough gas in the tank to be the wife/mother/sister/aunt/daughter/cousin/friend/neighbor I want to be, and that makes me want to cry. For real, y'all. I just want to sit in the shower and cry because I KNOW I'm letting everyone down. I can't keep all the plates spinning, and I really, REALLY hate this fact. I’m the queen of wanting to DO IT ALL. For ALLLLL the people. Selfishly, serving others really fills my cup. I truly enjoy helping folks (family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc.). But right now, in this season, I have to accept the fact that I can't help everyone. I can't wear ALL of the hats. There are some days when I can't wear ANY of the hats. On my "functional days" (when I'm able to walk and talk without difficulty), I have to focus on my children and my husband, and I really have to let everything else wait (dishes have to wait, laundry has to wait, and even my sweet friends have to wait). I need to spend my time "catching up" with my husband and my boys, and I need to recognize that my immediate priorities really need to be: family time, health, and homeschool lessons (because, um, those homeschool lessons are required by law).

I wish I had more to offer during this season, but that’s simply out of my control, and I'm learning (albeit slowly) to accept this fact. I know it's okay to focus on my precious family during this time when I’m right smack-dab in the thick of things (“things” being Lyme struggles and the demands of homeschooling). My boys need me. My husband needs me. They deserve my time and attention when I’m doing "well," AND THAT’S OKAY. (The author of Ecclesiastes reminds us that there's a season for everything, right? Ecc 3:1-8)

So if you're struggling with all the stuff that you're NOT able to do right now (for yourself and for others) - and if you're wrestling with guilt on a daily basis - then I just want you to know that you're not alone. I get it. For reals. This lyme/MS stuff sucks sometimes. But I hope you know that everything WILL get better (and then it might get worse again, and then better, and then worse - you know the roller coaster ride!). In the meantime, when you're in those inevitable Lyme valleys, I hope you can shower yourself with GRACE. It's okay to not be enough for everyone at all times. (God can - and will! - fill in the gaps when we lean into Him.)

I hope you can give yourself permission to focus on the most important people/things right now. Maybe that's drumming up enough energy to have dinner with your spouse. Maybe it's playing a round of Uno at the kitchen table. Or maybe there's just enough gas in the tank to watch a movie with your kiddos. Whatever your priorities might be, I hope you can use your "good days" to make memories with the ones who need you most. Everyone else will understand. And remember, this too shall pass. You WILL have better days ahead! :-)